Monday, October 1, 2012

Revive your sex life!

This is the last Monday for the marriage series with these bloggers:

I highly recommend you visit their blogs because they are soooo encouraging!  I blogged each week along wtih them and linked to their blogs.  Fun way to meet other bloggers!
Week one was about praying for your husband.
Week two was about our attitude and we shared love stories.
Week three was about friendship.  I did a follow up post here about a date we went on.
Week four was about praising our husbands.
(Click on the links above to go to my post for each week.)

And this week it's the last post of the series and the topic is a cooooomplicated one!  It's so stinkin' complicated because men and women are VERY different when it comes to needs in this area.  I HIGHLY recommend Sheila Gregoire's blog 
She has the most real, down to earth, and practical advice for keeping sex a priority in your marriage.

Now I share details with permission from my husband!
We got in a rut and wanted to fix it!  It happened last year when our kids were 6, 4, and 1.  I nursed my kids til they were just over a year each.  So during that time I was pretty much mauled all day long by youngins and just wanted to be left the heck alone!  Nevermind the fact that I was pregnant before that.  I didn't understand why HE couldn't be more compassionate and understanding.  And I definitely never understood why he found me attractive in my physical state at the end of the day!

I read a book called "No More Headaches" by Dr. Juli Slattery.   What I learned was how God designed men and women.  We are created VERY differently and when we better understand the other, we can actually deepen our relationship and take intimacy to a place I never knew existed (even after 15 years together!).  I also read Sheila Gregoire's book (To Love, Honor & Vacuum link above) and learned even more.  The great thing was that Jay was onboard to learn more too so together we committed to making our sex life a priority. (Why wouldn't he? haha)

Now here are some things we've learned:
- Sex is the only thing we do with one another that we can't do with anyone else.  So we want to prioritize that!  What a gift!
- We are in our prime!  Our bodies are healthy and we feel good.  If we don't prioritize it now, we might miss this wonderful opportunity!
- The kids are young and it's easy to do it.  Soon we'll have to be more sneaky and that's a whole new ballgame.
- We schedule intimacy at this point in our lives.  (Although there are still bonus nights!  Why deny ourselves - haha.)  I know that seems boring but if we just wait til I'm in the mood, honestly my mind wouldn't slow down enough from all that I do overseeing the house.  For now this really works well for us - and me!
- A man's physical urge for sex can be compared to a nursing mom.  For those of us who have breastfed, we know that you can't think of much else when your boobs are engorged or you are out shopping and hear a baby cry.  I learned to be much more compassionate towards my husband when I read that comparison in "No More Headaches".  He isn't a dirty dog after all!
- Also if a man really treated his wife the way he should when he was feeling that urge, more woman would gladly have sex more regularly.  Problem today is BOTH genders aren't doing their part.  When Jay learned this, he actually stepped it up and started to romance me and love me in a more selfless way.
- What came first?  The chicken or egg?  I feel this way with Jay.  I'm not sure who started the happiness wheel spinning but I have stepped up the frequency and he has loved me better outside the bedroom.  It has been a win win for us.

Our marriage has deepened much much more because of this commitment we made over a year ago.  So as for the challenge this week.  That's easy!  ;o)  It's already on the schedule!


Wonderwoman said...

Thanks for being so open - very well written! Good tips.

kbmama said...

Great Post Mary! I clicked on a few of the links and they all looked good. This is a touchy topic in a lot of marriages :) I will say once the kids get more independent it's a lot easier to be sneaky ;) It certainly makes things interesting and exciting!

Anonymous said...

Lots of good advice, Mary! A great book that helped me was "Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex" by Linda Dillow & Loraine Pintus. I read it about a year and half ago and it totally changed my perspective. God used it like a switch in my life- it was amazing! And when I became more physical, my husband became more emotional, and so both our needs were/are being met :)