Monday, September 17, 2012

Revive your Marriage Series: Friendship

It's Monday and time for the weekly series: revive our marriages!  I love this study but I must confess it's been hard to implement because my husband traveled last week and will be away again this week.  Work takes him away a lot.  But I still store away this information because it is so practical!!!

So much insight this week at each of the ladies blogs!  I have to summarize here so I don't forget!  (Another great reason to blog... it's a great record of things worth remembering!)

From Darlene I learned that the bond in friendship is strengthened through self-sacrifice.  I must confess that I am pretty selfish... a lot!  When Jay comes home from work, I want him to listen to me.  To take over with the kids.  And to help me out with various tasks.  Not to say I don't deserve all this after being consumed with kids for days on end BUT my attitude is one of entitlement.  And I gauge his love for me based on how he serves me.  Not a great attitude at all.  Especially since it isn't even biblical.  Gah!

From Courtney I learned that women love face to face friendship.  Men are more shoulder to shoulder.  I love this concept and the example she used.  When people are dating, a girl will easily sit through a football game or in the garage as her boyfriend tinkers.  But as the years go by and life gets busy we stop hanging out in this way.  This was VERY enlightening to me.  
In our early days there were many more shoulder to shoulder hanging out opportunities. 

Sheila talked about the whole shoulder to shoulder thing too but called it side by side.  She said that if you ask your husband to go for a walk, he'd be more likely to talk while doing an activity then just sitting over a cup of coffee as we girls love to do!  Love that idea!  And she adds another layer to friendship that I LOVE... laughter!  She said that the best laughter is the stuff that comes spontaneously when you're doing stuff, not from TV shows.  We don't do a lot together and part of that is his schedule but we really need to be more purposeful and plan things.  Even if we dust off the old cribbage board!

Lastly Jennifer spoke DIRECTLY into my heart most of all.  She talked about how we need to invest emotional energy into marriage.  I am not great at telling my husband every little thing about myself.  Like many husbands (so I hear) he tunes out easily and just isn't interested in details.  He def needs to improve in this area (and I don't mean to bash him) but I also need to go to him more and treat him like a grown man who is capable of listening and not like a 5 year old boy whose attention I only have for about 30 seconds.  I often catch myself saying: "Are you still listening?" and even when he says yes, I know he isn't so I cut my story story.  I don't invest emotionally.  Wow.  I never ever realized how KEY this was for me!  I just figured I was an awesome wife who understood how men think so gave him the abbreviated version.  But I'm learning how important it is that I treat him as my best friend and trust him more!

So this week's challenge is to do choose an activity to do together.  Well when he gets back from this next trip, I think we'll get a sitter and go out to eat.  At a real sit down restaurant with a server!  And also I would like to hike more.  We had a great trip in NH recently and I want more times like that.
Oooo I love this series!!!

No comments: