Sunday, January 29, 2012

Pregnant after a "successful" vasectomy


Number 1 and number DONE.  That’s was how Jay answered people who asked if we were done having kids back when we had just Vienna and Lance.

Deciding on a vasectomy
There were many reasons that led us to choose a vasectomy to “finalize” the size of our family.
We decided we were happy with two kids because I always said I’d rather be a good mom of two than a psycho mom of more.  Plus, I am not a happy pregnant lady.  I was nauseous well past the half way point with my pregnancies and threw up if I didn’t eat constantly.  Also we’re a military family. I’m often parenting alone because Jay’s away a lot.  Our family isn’t close by.  And we’re a single income family and that’s tough in this expensive State of Connecticut. We were satisfied with two children and wanted to finalize it. 

Jay’s procedure was January 2009.
We were given the all clear in April after Jay got lab results back. 
We always said we were happy with two but if God wanted us to have more, we know ultimately He’s in charge.  Glad we always said that! 

How I realized that I was pregnant
I was scheduled for surgery in August 2009 that required general anaethesia.  My period was over a week late but I wasn’t too regular so no big deal.  But I decided to take a home pregnancy test JUST in case I was pregnant because I would need to reschedule that surgery.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked.  I was scared.  I didn’t want to be pregnant.  I didn’t want to go thru another painful delivery.  Vienna was 4 and Lance was 2.  It was fresh in my mind!  I was so happy we were past those hard baby years.  I gave all my baby stuff away.  I didn’t want to start over.  Jay on the other hand was really funny.  He joked that nothing could hold him down!  He was the man!  He was excited to have another child and was in a better place mentally than me for the first part of pregnancy.

How did I get pregnant?
I was certain that Jay’s vas deferen must have grown back or his body created a new pathway.  He went back to his urologist in September 2009 to get tested again so we could fix the problem.  The doctor called Jay to tell him that he didn’t have any live sperm in his lab work.  He did have one dead one but a normal sample would have millions.  Basically Jay was told that he could not get someone pregnant.  After I heard this, I called the urologist back and spoke to a nurse.  I wanted to know if Jay could get an ultrasound or something to double check on things down there.  She said it wasn’t necessary because the vasectomy was a success based on the lab results.  I asked how there was one dead one?  Her response was that it probably got hung up somewhere.  (How does something get hung up for 10 months?)  I asked her what I was supposed to do for birth control.  I didn’t want to have kids til I hit menopause!  Her response was and I quote:  “This sort of thing doesn’t happen unless someone else is involved.”  I was too shocked to reply.  I was just accused of infidelity!  Good thing I believe in a God who is bigger than all medicine and my trust was fully in Him.

Second opinion
In March 2010, we went to a different urologist for a second opinion.  The lab results came back and again Jay had zero sperm in his lab work.  Definitely a successful vasectomy.  (And Mary had an immaculate conception.  Haha!)  Ok seriously though... why was I pregnant???  This urologist said that it’s 99.9% effective.  There is room for error.  Just like some people win the lottery.  Stats are small but they’re there.  Ya but most people get pregnant because they don’t wait for the all clear or their vas deferen grows back.  I personally wonder if vasectomies are THAT effective.  Cause if they were 80% effective how many men would get them?  And the doctors didn’t even care about my stats.  They just think I was unfaithful.  Unless a university does a study, my data will never get collected. 

Our baby
Colin was born in April 2010.  Healthy and whole and perfect.  He brings so much joy to our family and I can’t imagine life without him in it.  He brings smiles to everyone he meets – yes he’s just that cute!  He looks an awful lot like his Daddy.  Good thing right?


Why are we sharing our story?
I know that most people reading this who don’t know me, may think there must be another man, so before we could tell this story, we decided to have DNA testing done.  Colin is indeed Jay’s son.  Medically we still don’t understand how.  Just before our DNA testing in Nov 2011, I called Jay’s urologist and talked to a nurse again.  I told her this whole story and she said she’d get the doctor to call me.  Never heard from him.  We just assume our story is bad for business.  And they’re probably afraid of a lawsuit.
But the reality of it is that based on *their* reaction to my pregnancy, my marriage could have ended.  Jay could have refused to get tested again but I thank God I have a man who trusts me.  If this scenario comes up for others what do they do?  Do the men trust their women?  Does this end a marriage?  End a life?  How many women get abortions justifying it with the fact that it wasn’t planned? 

What this has taught me
Well I’m not afraid of getting pregnant again!  I actually no longer look at a pregnoid and feel her discomfort.  I celebrate life in a way I never did before.  I love babies and don’t find those early days dreadful.  They pass far too quickly to dread them!  And they have!  My baby will be TWO in April! 
I also learned that I am capable of being a loving mom to three.
I learned that zofran is a great drug to take to counteract nausea while pregnant!
I learned that my husband loves me even more for birthing him three miracles.
I learned that God is bigger than any medical explanation could possibly offer.
I learned that through my children, I have learned much about life, myself and God’s love.
He is faithful and can carry us through everything.  His ways are not our ways.  And He has a purpose for us bigger than we can even dream of, if we let Him...  If we give our lives to Him.  And I don’t know why God blessed us with a three babies but it has taught me much.  And I hope and pray that someone reading our story would be encouraged and blessed because of it.

Thanks for listening to our story,
Mary & Jay

(PS.  I just want to also share real quickly that we lost two babies to miscarriage.  One in Jan 2003 and another in March 2004.  We trust that we will see Amelia and Joshua in heaven one day.  We know the pain of losing life and so we celebrate the lives of all children who’ve made it to this earthly world and those who only lived in the womb.  Last Sunday was the Sanctity of Life day.  We felt it suiting to share our story now.)

21 comments:

Sunflowerakb's Yellow House said...

thank you for sharing! I loved reading your story and look forward to seeing the joy your three miracles bring to your life and to the world.

Portia said...

Mary, Richard and I were just joking about two days ago. I asked him "What if we got pregnant after your vasectomy and you were told you were sterile?". He told me that he loved me and trusted in God and myself. We keep saying we're done but 8'm not getting that feeling. I'm due with our fourth in April :-)

Portia Allen

Kimberley said...

I just finished reading your storey about the vasectomy, I received an email notice. We have very similiar stories. Our suit is progressing. The lawsuit is for "pain and suffering". Lawyer almost ready to file. I guess they wait just before statutory of limitaions runs out - 2 years. Also our lawyer has been getting another Urologist opinion about our case. We still aren't sure why my husbands test came back 0 sperm seen when I was 5 months pregnant. His secretary also told my husband these things just don't come undone. I went in to get all paper work I could for lawsuit and again the secretary was surprised to see me and said, His results were 0 sperm. I realized later she was accusing me of infidelity to my face. I noticed on your blog you were born in Canada. That is where I am from and still live. I wonder if we had the same doctor? - probably not though. I too consider our vasectomy baby a blessing and can't imagine life without him.

Mary said...

Kimberley: I've been in the USA for 11 years, so no the doctor was an American. Maybe it's the ole Canuck blood! haha! Thanks for sharing!! It's good to know we aren't alone!

Anonymous said...

I find myself in the same situation now. I am horrified that already people who I thought knew me better, jump to the conclusion that maybe I cheated on my husband. Of course I didn't! I thought with 3 perfect children I was done. Well, here comes number 4! i'm still in shock and apparently more comfortable telling a stranger with whom I share a strange bond that with those closest to me.

Mary said...

You are the reason I wrote this post. We are not alone!!!

Wallibeez said...

I wish there was someway you could talk to my husband. I swear this is going to be the end of my marriage. I can't stay with a man who doesn't trust me. I'm heart broken, I'm due in three weeks! :(

Mary said...

Wallibeez, I have no way to contact you but I am praying for your husband tonight. I pray that his heart would soften and that he would trust you. I pray that the birth of the baby would bring you two together. If you want an ear, please feel free to email me at AProductiveEndeavor@gmail.com
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone.

Gardengirl said...

Its called DNA testing Wallibeez! Prove that it is his child. My husband has had the snip snip 12 years ago. As much as I know he loves me, I know he would have a little doubt in his mind if I turned up pregnant. I being a reasonable and faithful wife would have no problem doing a DNA test. It would only confirm what we noth already knew.

EmmaK said...

What a fascinating story! I am so pleased it all worked out for you in the end. Either doctors don't know anything about fertility or your husband's vasectomy was not 100% successful and his doc just didn't want to admit it.

Anonymous said...

Im soon to be a sigle mother due to the fact that my ex doesn't belive I'm pregnant by him, because he had a vasectomy years ago. Ive been very depressed, comfused, and happy that I'll soon have my little blessing in my arms. It just hurt that he doesn't even care about our baby ;(

Mary said...

Anonymous who wrote on 5/22/13. You are the reason I wrote this post. I am so sorry you are going thru this! I wish someone would do a study and change the stats bcs I believe it happens more than people realize! And when guys get mad bcs they don't trust/believe, oftentimes, DNA testing will reveal the truth. I pray that the father will have a change of heart and want to heal your relationship. You are NOT alone!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you i have lots of faith that when we do the DNA test that everything will fall in place, i just want him to be a responsible father and to be there for our baby. I don't want to be with him any more and hes in a new relationship, and im guessing thats why he doesnt belive me. But thank you again, i loved your story and you have a wonderful man by your side. God bless you and your beautiful family :) <3

Caroline @ Anchored In His Grace said...

What a beautiful story! I'm so glad you shared this! It's so disheartening of the assumptions of the doctors. Before I told my husband that we were pregnant, I did a search on failed vasectomies (fyi--bad idea), and read so many stories of women who were accused of infidelity. When actually, the vasectomy had failed. Thanks for sharing your story with me!

Jamie A said...

Hi! Thanks for sharing your story. We are also a mil family with two kids...had two miscarriages and decided to wrap up the baby making years with a vasectomy last year in November. I missed my period on the day hubby went in for his sample four months later. Sample came back at full capacity so to speak :) We are scared but excited. God's plans are different than ours but will will welcome this baby with open arms!

Mary said...

Wow Jamie! Congrats on your surprise! It's a lot to wrap your head around after making such a "perm" decision but you are NOT alone!! I bet you'll be able to enjoy the busy baby & toddler years more this time around knowing how fast they pass! Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

I wish I could say my husband had faith in me. The nurses told him it's never happened before, and he should take a paternity test. He said he's embarrassed to walk into their office. The numbers are way more in favor of me cheating than his vasectomy failing after 10 months. He doesn't want me to have it. We have two kids, both boys with autism. I don't think I can handle raising another on my own. My husband is very uninvolved with their schooling or therapies. I am so torn and completely devastated. I don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

By the way, thank you for allowing anonymous posts. I feel very alone right now because there's a lot of judgment. I'd hate for my name to be affiliated with this subject matter right now.

Mary said...

Anonymous... you are the very reason I wrote this post! If doctors gave it an 90% accuracy rate even, you and your husband wouldn't be having this discussion. But to give it a 99.9% accuracy is clearly not accurate! There are too many of us!

Anonymous said...

I just had my fourth baby after my husband's vasectomy. We even had a negative test the week after I found out I was pregnant, but a recent lab test found about 8 million sperm. The doctor said that recanalization must have occurred. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster after I found out I was pregnant with our son: anger, guilt over feeling angry, happiness and excitement. I was also overwhelmed with the thought of another child since he would be our fourth baby in five years! But, we concluded this was all in God's plan. Our faith in God is what helped us get through. And like your child, my son looks just like my husband. Nobody can deny that! Ha! Thanks for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes, in a good way of course. : )

Mary said...

Anonymous who wrote on June 28th... thank you for your comment. There are some people who would never go back to get retested so kudos to your man for doing so! In my case, my husband took 3 tests that said he couldn't get me pregnant. It's good for you that there is a medical explanation for the pregnancy and you also see the baby as a blessing! Life will be chaotic for awhile but kids really do bring a joy that can't be put into words.