Sunday, January 29, 2012

Pregnant after a "successful" vasectomy

Number 1 and number DONE.  That’s was how Jay answered people who asked if we were done having kids back when we had just Vienna and Lance.

Deciding on a vasectomy
There were many reasons that led us to choose a vasectomy to “finalize” the size of our family.
We decided we were happy with two kids because I always said I’d rather be a good mom of two than a psycho mom of more.  Plus, I am not a happy pregnant lady.  I was nauseous well past the half way point with my pregnancies and threw up if I didn’t eat constantly.  Also we’re a military family. I’m often parenting alone because Jay’s away a lot.  Our family isn’t close by.  And we’re a single income family and that’s tough in this expensive State of Connecticut. We were satisfied with two children and wanted to finalize it. 

Jay’s procedure was January 2009.
We were given the all clear in April after Jay got lab results back. 
We always said we were happy with two but if God wanted us to have more, we know ultimately He’s in charge.  Glad we always said that! 

How I realized that I was pregnant
I was scheduled for surgery in August 2009 that required general anaethesia.  My period was over a week late but I wasn’t too regular so no big deal.  But I decided to take a home pregnancy test JUST in case I was pregnant because I would need to reschedule that surgery.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked.  I was scared.  I didn’t want to be pregnant.  I didn’t want to go thru another painful delivery.  Vienna was 4 and Lance was 2.  It was fresh in my mind!  I was so happy we were past those hard baby years.  I gave all my baby stuff away.  I didn’t want to start over.  Jay on the other hand was really funny.  He joked that nothing could hold him down!  He was the man!  He was excited to have another child and was in a better place mentally than me for the first part of pregnancy.

How did I get pregnant?
I was certain that Jay’s vas deferen must have grown back or his body created a new pathway.  He went back to his urologist in September 2009 to get tested again so we could fix the problem.  The doctor called Jay to tell him that he didn’t have any live sperm in his lab work.  He did have one dead one but a normal sample would have millions.  Basically Jay was told that he could not get someone pregnant.  After I heard this, I called the urologist back and spoke to a nurse.  I wanted to know if Jay could get an ultrasound or something to double check on things down there.  She said it wasn’t necessary because the vasectomy was a success based on the lab results.  I asked how there was one dead one?  Her response was that it probably got hung up somewhere.  (How does something get hung up for 10 months?)  I asked her what I was supposed to do for birth control.  I didn’t want to have kids til I hit menopause!  Her response was and I quote:  “This sort of thing doesn’t happen unless someone else is involved.”  I was too shocked to reply.  I was just accused of infidelity!  Good thing I believe in a God who is bigger than all medicine and my trust was fully in Him.

Second opinion
In March 2010, we went to a different urologist for a second opinion.  The lab results came back and again Jay had zero sperm in his lab work.  Definitely a successful vasectomy.  (And Mary had an immaculate conception.  Haha!)  Ok seriously though... why was I pregnant???  This urologist said that it’s 99.9% effective.  There is room for error.  Just like some people win the lottery.  Stats are small but they’re there.  Ya but most people get pregnant because they don’t wait for the all clear or their vas deferen grows back.  I personally wonder if vasectomies are THAT effective.  Cause if they were 80% effective how many men would get them?  And the doctors didn’t even care about my stats.  They just think I was unfaithful.  Unless a university does a study, my data will never get collected. 

Our baby
Colin was born in April 2010.  Healthy and whole and perfect.  He brings so much joy to our family and I can’t imagine life without him in it.  He brings smiles to everyone he meets – yes he’s just that cute!  He looks an awful lot like his Daddy.  Good thing right?

Why are we sharing our story?
I know that most people reading this who don’t know me, may think there must be another man, so before we could tell this story, we decided to have DNA testing done.  Colin is indeed Jay’s son.  Medically we still don’t understand how.  Just before our DNA testing in Nov 2011, I called Jay’s urologist and talked to a nurse again.  I told her this whole story and she said she’d get the doctor to call me.  Never heard from him.  We just assume our story is bad for business.  And they’re probably afraid of a lawsuit.
But the reality of it is that based on *their* reaction to my pregnancy, my marriage could have ended.  Jay could have refused to get tested again but I thank God I have a man who trusts me.  If this scenario comes up for others what do they do?  Do the men trust their women?  Does this end a marriage?  End a life?  How many women get abortions justifying it with the fact that it wasn’t planned? 

What this has taught me
Well I’m not afraid of getting pregnant again!  I actually no longer look at a pregnoid and feel her discomfort.  I celebrate life in a way I never did before.  I love babies and don’t find those early days dreadful.  They pass far too quickly to dread them!  And they have!  My baby will be TWO in April! 
I also learned that I am capable of being a loving mom to three.
I learned that zofran is a great drug to take to counteract nausea while pregnant!
I learned that my husband loves me even more for birthing him three miracles.
I learned that God is bigger than any medical explanation could possibly offer.
I learned that through my children, I have learned much about life, myself and God’s love.
He is faithful and can carry us through everything.  His ways are not our ways.  And He has a purpose for us bigger than we can even dream of, if we let Him...  If we give our lives to Him.  And I don’t know why God blessed us with a three babies but it has taught me much.  And I hope and pray that someone reading our story would be encouraged and blessed because of it.

Thanks for listening to our story,
Mary & Jay

(PS.  I just want to also share real quickly that we lost two babies to miscarriage.  One in Jan 2003 and another in March 2004.  We trust that we will see Amelia and Joshua in heaven one day.  We know the pain of losing life and so we celebrate the lives of all children who’ve made it to this earthly world and those who only lived in the womb.  Last Sunday was the Sanctity of Life day.  We felt it suiting to share our story now.)


Sunflowerakb's Yellow House said...

thank you for sharing! I loved reading your story and look forward to seeing the joy your three miracles bring to your life and to the world.

Portia said...

Mary, Richard and I were just joking about two days ago. I asked him "What if we got pregnant after your vasectomy and you were told you were sterile?". He told me that he loved me and trusted in God and myself. We keep saying we're done but 8'm not getting that feeling. I'm due with our fourth in April :-)

Portia Allen

Kimberley said...

I just finished reading your storey about the vasectomy, I received an email notice. We have very similiar stories. Our suit is progressing. The lawsuit is for "pain and suffering". Lawyer almost ready to file. I guess they wait just before statutory of limitaions runs out - 2 years. Also our lawyer has been getting another Urologist opinion about our case. We still aren't sure why my husbands test came back 0 sperm seen when I was 5 months pregnant. His secretary also told my husband these things just don't come undone. I went in to get all paper work I could for lawsuit and again the secretary was surprised to see me and said, His results were 0 sperm. I realized later she was accusing me of infidelity to my face. I noticed on your blog you were born in Canada. That is where I am from and still live. I wonder if we had the same doctor? - probably not though. I too consider our vasectomy baby a blessing and can't imagine life without him.

Mary said...

Kimberley: I've been in the USA for 11 years, so no the doctor was an American. Maybe it's the ole Canuck blood! haha! Thanks for sharing!! It's good to know we aren't alone!

Anonymous said...

I find myself in the same situation now. I am horrified that already people who I thought knew me better, jump to the conclusion that maybe I cheated on my husband. Of course I didn't! I thought with 3 perfect children I was done. Well, here comes number 4! i'm still in shock and apparently more comfortable telling a stranger with whom I share a strange bond that with those closest to me.

Mary said...

You are the reason I wrote this post. We are not alone!!!

Wallibeez said...

I wish there was someway you could talk to my husband. I swear this is going to be the end of my marriage. I can't stay with a man who doesn't trust me. I'm heart broken, I'm due in three weeks! :(

Mary said...

Wallibeez, I have no way to contact you but I am praying for your husband tonight. I pray that his heart would soften and that he would trust you. I pray that the birth of the baby would bring you two together. If you want an ear, please feel free to email me at
I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone.

Gardengirl said...

Its called DNA testing Wallibeez! Prove that it is his child. My husband has had the snip snip 12 years ago. As much as I know he loves me, I know he would have a little doubt in his mind if I turned up pregnant. I being a reasonable and faithful wife would have no problem doing a DNA test. It would only confirm what we noth already knew.

EmmaK said...

What a fascinating story! I am so pleased it all worked out for you in the end. Either doctors don't know anything about fertility or your husband's vasectomy was not 100% successful and his doc just didn't want to admit it.

Anonymous said...

Im soon to be a sigle mother due to the fact that my ex doesn't belive I'm pregnant by him, because he had a vasectomy years ago. Ive been very depressed, comfused, and happy that I'll soon have my little blessing in my arms. It just hurt that he doesn't even care about our baby ;(

Mary said...

Anonymous who wrote on 5/22/13. You are the reason I wrote this post. I am so sorry you are going thru this! I wish someone would do a study and change the stats bcs I believe it happens more than people realize! And when guys get mad bcs they don't trust/believe, oftentimes, DNA testing will reveal the truth. I pray that the father will have a change of heart and want to heal your relationship. You are NOT alone!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you i have lots of faith that when we do the DNA test that everything will fall in place, i just want him to be a responsible father and to be there for our baby. I don't want to be with him any more and hes in a new relationship, and im guessing thats why he doesnt belive me. But thank you again, i loved your story and you have a wonderful man by your side. God bless you and your beautiful family :) <3

Caroline @ Anchored In His Grace said...

What a beautiful story! I'm so glad you shared this! It's so disheartening of the assumptions of the doctors. Before I told my husband that we were pregnant, I did a search on failed vasectomies (fyi--bad idea), and read so many stories of women who were accused of infidelity. When actually, the vasectomy had failed. Thanks for sharing your story with me!

Jamie A said...

Hi! Thanks for sharing your story. We are also a mil family with two kids...had two miscarriages and decided to wrap up the baby making years with a vasectomy last year in November. I missed my period on the day hubby went in for his sample four months later. Sample came back at full capacity so to speak :) We are scared but excited. God's plans are different than ours but will will welcome this baby with open arms!

Mary said...

Wow Jamie! Congrats on your surprise! It's a lot to wrap your head around after making such a "perm" decision but you are NOT alone!! I bet you'll be able to enjoy the busy baby & toddler years more this time around knowing how fast they pass! Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

I wish I could say my husband had faith in me. The nurses told him it's never happened before, and he should take a paternity test. He said he's embarrassed to walk into their office. The numbers are way more in favor of me cheating than his vasectomy failing after 10 months. He doesn't want me to have it. We have two kids, both boys with autism. I don't think I can handle raising another on my own. My husband is very uninvolved with their schooling or therapies. I am so torn and completely devastated. I don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

By the way, thank you for allowing anonymous posts. I feel very alone right now because there's a lot of judgment. I'd hate for my name to be affiliated with this subject matter right now.

Mary said...

Anonymous... you are the very reason I wrote this post! If doctors gave it an 90% accuracy rate even, you and your husband wouldn't be having this discussion. But to give it a 99.9% accuracy is clearly not accurate! There are too many of us!

Anonymous said...

I just had my fourth baby after my husband's vasectomy. We even had a negative test the week after I found out I was pregnant, but a recent lab test found about 8 million sperm. The doctor said that recanalization must have occurred. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster after I found out I was pregnant with our son: anger, guilt over feeling angry, happiness and excitement. I was also overwhelmed with the thought of another child since he would be our fourth baby in five years! But, we concluded this was all in God's plan. Our faith in God is what helped us get through. And like your child, my son looks just like my husband. Nobody can deny that! Ha! Thanks for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes, in a good way of course. : )

Mary said...

Anonymous who wrote on June 28th... thank you for your comment. There are some people who would never go back to get retested so kudos to your man for doing so! In my case, my husband took 3 tests that said he couldn't get me pregnant. It's good for you that there is a medical explanation for the pregnancy and you also see the baby as a blessing! Life will be chaotic for awhile but kids really do bring a joy that can't be put into words.

Aaron said...

My wife and I have a situation one better. I had a vasectomy 11years ago after the birth of our second child. After which, I got two negative results and the all clear.
My wife had an endometrial ablation (for reasons other than contraception) 8 months ago at which time she was told that this would render her sterile and was even made her sign a release stating that she was aware of this.
I am 42, she is 40 and is now 24 weeks pregnant.
Like most guys, there was some small doubt in the back of my mind, but all doubts were erased after a sperm count came back positive.
I called the urologists office who performed the vasectomy and the office manager more or less told me it wasn't possible and inferred that I should consider other possibilities. I told her that I had a test elsewhere and it came back positive. She said she needed to talk with the doctor and would call me back. I got a return call within an hour and she left me a message that doctor would like me to get another sperm count at their lab, at my cost of course.

Sarah said...

Mary, thank you for sharing your story! It gives so much hope and encouragement for those like me who pray for that miracle daily.

Aaron, your story gives me hope as well! My husband had a vasectomy 10 years ago next month, after having been strongly encouraged by my OB/GYN to have it done due to complications during the delivery of our second child.
Earlier this spring, I opened up to my new OB/GYN about my heartbreak over it all and never having had any real answers. She sent me for tests. Both she and the hematologist came back and said that the vasectomy recommendation was unfounded, that I am fine and we should be perfectly fine having more children. A reversal is out of the question for us due to the expense.
Anyway, my husband and I pray for a miracle. I had dreamed of a house full of children. We have friends who will be having their gender reveal party after a failed vasectomy. It's hard when what you want happens just down the road.
Thank you all for your stories. They are an encouragement. I have been having some strange happenings over the past couple of days, but haven't fully dared to embrace the possibility of that miracle. We shall see. Because, even after all this time, according to y'all, it can happen! :)

Emily said...

I wanted to add my story, this happened to us too! I conceived just 2 months after getting the "all clear" from the doctor. So thankful my husband never questioned my faithfulness; I hurt for all of you who haven't had that experience. Recently I was on the American Urology Assoc website, their vasectomy page states the chances of getting pregnant after a clear semen sample is 1 in 2000. These are low odds but not impossible! Maybe sharing this info with those questioning husbands will help? Thank you for your post, it was encouraging to find others with the same story. God is good, all the time!

Aaron and/or Christa Ford said...

Beautiful story of faith and Gods will!We have 6 children aged 10and under,2miscarried babies in Heaven,and my husband,navy vet,unfortunately got a vascectomy that I reluctantly signed 1.5 yrs ago.with each child,they had a younger sibling by age 2,now our 2yr old doesnt,and I pray to God that He will make a way where there 'seems' to be no way!He never had any testing after,and was just recently having testicle pain,and has on and off,which I pray means he is making sperm!Id do it all again!Thanks so much!

Mary said...

Thank you all for your comments that encourage me so much!

Aaron: This message still needs to get out there and you are further proof that I'm not crazy! haha! With an ablation, I'm curious if your life carried the baby to full term. That is amazing!

Sarah: Yes indeed, it can happen! And has!

Emily: It happens but people never think it can happen to them! Thanks for the link!

Christa: I just wanted to say that a man who's had a vasectomy still makes sperm. The vas deferens is what's cut & burned so it has "no way" to get out. Soooo just gotta pray that his sperm jump some hoops and figure a new way out because obviously it happens!

Aaron said...

Cooper Grayson was born January 20th, five and a half weeks premature. The ablation caused placenta accreta which made an emergency C-section and hysterectomy necessary when my wife went into early labor besides the fact that he was breech.
He was born weighing only 3lbs 11oz but otherwise healthy. He spent 10 days in a NICU for observation and weight gain but hasn't looked back since.

Unless there is a hysterectomy or a castration, never say never :)

Jess said...

6 weeks pregnant after my husband was 'all clear' 3 months ago. He previously had testicular cancer (15 years ago).. So the procedure was done with him missing 1/2 a testicle. I'm thinking that this may be a result of the failed vasectomy. Im reading all of these 'pregnancy after vasectomy' birth defects and I'm worried. Of course all of the urologists and OBs tell me that these vasectomies are 99.9% effective. NOT.

Kimberly said...

my man had a vasectomy almost 20 years ago and I'm now almost 8 months has put a huge damper on things as he has a lot of doubt and now we haven't spoken and iv been going through this alone all because his dr office said it wasn't possible. being a women of God I know that anything is possible and Gods plan is above any of ours and medicine. I have faith after a paternity test when baby comes that all trust will be restored and all will work out. just sad such a miracle had to happen this way but I do know that God is in control

Destiny Storm said...

I'm glad I came across this blog! This very thing happened to us, 2.5 years after my husband got his vasectomy. We had 4 kids, and were content. Suddenly, I started feeling aweful, and decided to take a pregnancy test and sure enough, it was positive. We were in total shock! My husband went back to the same dr. to get his sperm count checked to get things fixed, only to be called back and told there were none, dead or alive. My husband told them that I was pregnant, and they said that he needed to talk to his wife about that!! So, yes, they also basically said that I had cheated on my husband. This rocked our marriage a bit(what a dark, dark time it was), but my husband stuck it through with me, Thank God! We had our healthy baby boy who is 1yr old now. And, here we are again, I'm pregnant with baby #6! This time my husband has no doubts, we can't explain how it happened not once, but twice, but we are rolling with it.

Mary said...

Wow look how many of us there are! Insane isn't it!! Thank you all for your comments! I am also in Facebook or you can email me if you want to talk more! I wish I knew how to contact you all to reply!
aproductiveendeavor at gmail dot com

Emily said...

I love reading all these stories!! I'm praying this miracle will happen for me and my husband! He's 5 years post, having had his vasectomy waaaay too young (26yr old). At the time he seemed dead set on it and I didn't feel I had a right to argue-after all we have 2 beautiful boys and its his body. I don't think he wants another baby but he regrets that he can't give me another child that I want. It's been a bit of a strain but we love each other so much and I know we will be ok. I'm putting it in gods hands and praying everyday that we will be given a little miracle/blessing!! Thanks for the positive thoughts!!!

mommameah38 said...

I am currently being told I am in the early stages of pregnancy.I go back in tomorrow for another round of bloodwork to determine if I am. My boyfriend had a vasectomy 2 years ago when we first got together. He had went back in at 3mths post op to confirm 0 sperm count. I have 3 children from my prior marriage and he has his 2 children that he has been raising since the youngest was a baby and the mother left them. We decided to move in together this past January and blended our families into one. We have talked about marriage someday but neither of us are ready. My period was strange this month - spotting/light bleeding for 2 weeks, so I had made an appt to see what was going on. I have had issues in the past with fibroids and polyps so I assumed it was more of that. I am still in shock that my HTG results came back at 32.8 (low but still higher then a non-pregnant person o-1) the blood test is showing I am either in a very early pregnancy or going thru a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. I am so scared to tell him anything as we have both been hurt in the past with cheating spouses and I just don't want him to ever doubt me. I am afraid this will tear apart everything we have worked towards these past 2 1/2 years. I am afraid that my children and I will lose our home as well as we gave up everything to move in with him and his children. I am so distraught over losing everything I love - him, his children, our home, the love of my life! He is one of those men that would think the worst right away which is killing me. I have never been unfaithful to him. I thought I was done having babies - my youngest is 8. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy at this stage in my life. I am out of shape and just started working on getting back to a healthy weight. I feel like god hates me to continue to give me these impossible tasks!!

#ThisMomOfFour said...

I am pregnant with number 5... And number surprise after a successful vasectomy as well.

Michelle Christensen said...

You give me hope! I was on board when my husband got a vasectomy in November of 2015. We have two beautiful boys, 3 and 1 now, and we had our list of reasons for stopping after number 2. Now I DEEPLY regret the decision. I would like my husband to have a reversal, but he's not willing to do that (for now anyway). I didn't think I'd be able to have children at all - never had periods, but was blessed with these two perfect Angels as well as an additional pregnancy in between that ended in miscarriage, so I'm hopeful that if my Heavenly Father wants us to have more children, He'll make it happen.

Kat Granum said...

My husband had a vasectomy 2 years ago and was told by his urologist he was 'good to go' after bringing in the 2 samples after vasectomy. Fast forward 1.5 years and now I'm pregnant. After we found out I was pregnant my husband brought another sample in and expected the results to come back that he was now fertile or that the vasectomy had a late failure. However, the new sample confirmed that he was 'sterile' only having 5 non-motile sperm present. All of the doctors we talk to say there is no way he could get me pregame many with that sperm and assume I cheated. We are now waiting results for a DNA paternity test that cost an arm and a leg just to prove to these doctors that it is possible. Question- has you or anyone else you know been successful in a lawsuit for wrongful birth or negligence? I'm having major complications with this pregnancy that I didn't experience with my other 2, and also hadn't planned on paying for a 3 RD babies school, etc. any insight would be amazing :) thank you!!!

Mary said...

Hi Kat.. I hope you read this since I don't have a way to email you directly. But I do not know of anyone who sued for wrongful birth. When I did my own internet search 7 years ago, I found 1 person but she was in Canada and unable to share details with me because she was in the middle of the lawsuit. I never did keep in touch.
How are you doing the DNA test while pregnant? I had to wait for my son to be born and we did the cheek swap test.
Feel free to email me if you ever need an ear! aproductiveendeavor {at} gmail {dot} com.

Jennifer said...

I have a very similar story. When our third child was about 6 months old my husband had a vasectomy. He later returned the sample as requested and was told there were no sperm. He was to submit another sample in a month, but I figured it was a waste of $50 (I still don't think it would've shown a different result anyway). Fast forward a year later and I find out I'm pregnant. I quickly realized this could definitely make me look sketchy and told hubby to submit a sample "just because". This sample showed loads of sperm, which I of course expected. Then his urologist got involved and wanted to do his own sample (look at it himself under his microscope), so hubby did and we were both in shock when he said there were no sperm (even offered to let me look at it). So he wanted hubby to submit another sample to the hospital's lab, which again showed no sperm. The dr tried to explain how this could happen, but in the end all he could really conclude was that it was "an act of God". Yep, that he was right about! We sure didn't plan it, but our little miracle will be one next month!