Monday, March 16, 2009

Don't judge me

I read this paragraph in paperwork I received from the doctor's office at Lance's 2 year check-up.
"Negativism and resistance may increase. Do not let this become a battle of wills. Be firm, sympathetic and understanding. His control of his impulses at this stage is negligible; he wants what he wants when he wants it. Parent-child conflict about what a child will or will not do form this basis of many of the problems of this age group. To help you cope more effectively with this type of behavior, you need a regular change from the stresses of child care."

Does that describe my week! I attempted to eat at a restaurant with friends last week. I normally avoid "sit down" restaurants because Lance just doesn't like to sit still and it's just not worth the battle. But a friend invited me out and since she was going with two small kids, I thought I'd give it a try. Worse case, I'd just pack up my meal and leave, right? From the moment I stepped into Chili's I should have known it would not work. Lance refused to wait for our table by the door with me. He ran into an empty booth. When we sat down, he refused to sit in the highchair and screeched. (I tried although he hasn't used one in months.) He wanted the big chair. He grabbed the salt and pepper. I tried to distract him with the crayons and paper. Didn't work. We opened the blinds and he looked for trucks. Yay... that worked! Then he ate. While waiting for the adult food, he got down and almost ran into the kitchen! He threw his toy around for fun and was all around VERY distracting. Yes friends, I was the mother with THAT kid. I asked the waitress to bring my food in a to go box cause we were leaving. And we did. I was so stressed in my attempts to keep Lance entertained that I did not enjoy any conversation with the other ladies there. (3 moms, 5 other kids besides mine!)
Today we went to the mall. Same situation... I was that mother with that kid!

So my reason for all this... single people, people with kids like my Vienna was (and is)... don't judge me! I think I am most stressed out because I think this behavior it is a direct reflection of my parenting. I look like the world's worst mom with the worst out of control kid. But that is not true. As a parent, getting out the door is often a battle. Strapping kids in car seats can be a battle. Getting kids into a cart, etc... Kids have their own minds and this is the age when they express it! Plus there is NO SUCH THING as perfect timing with kids. I always thought (pre-Lance) that if your kid was crying, just leave the store... it isn't worth it. But now I know that sometimes you just gotta get things done, even when your children protest... and protest loudly!

So my advice to those of you who were like me and thought negatively about people in the struggle you see in stores and restaurants... don't judge us. It's just a bad moment, we're not bad parents with bad kids.

And this brings me to a good quote that *I* need to reflect more on... "It's none of your business what other people think of you."

1 comment:

Anna's Yellow House said...

Wow! this is awesome insight into parenting. thanks for the reminder. I will remember to send an encouraging smile to moms shopping with difficult children.